Monday, October 26, 2009

Things to Remember If I’m Ever in a Horror Situation

Something that came up in conversation at the Halloween party over the weekend. I'm sure that this could be expanded greatly.
  1. Neither I nor any of my friends/allies will go anywhere alone; splitting up to gather supplies or search an area is right out.
  2. If I have shot the killer/monster in the chest and it hasn’t been affected, I will at least try a headshot.
  3. I will make use of the known traits of any killer or monster that is threatening me; if it’s afraid of cats, for instance, I won’t go anywhere without one.
  4. I will wear sensible shoes, so I won’t have any difficulty running, should it become necessary.
  5. I will never abandon a weapon; you never know when it will come in handy. Needless to say, if I suspect there's a hostile person or monster about, I won't go anywhere unarmed.
  6. I will get a pocket maglite with a lanyard and keep it handy.
  7. I will be immediately suspicious of anyone that causes dogs to bark or cats to hiss. At the first sign of trouble, I will endeavor to obtain a friendly dog or cat as a warning system.
  8. Finding a wandering cat after hearing a strange noise does not mean that I have found the source of the noise.
  9. I will not dismiss a “supernatural” threat just because I’m a scientist or skeptic; if it has observable and repeatable effects, it moves into the realm of the “natural”, anyway.
  10. If I’ve incapacitated a murderer/monster with a history of surviving “mortal” injuries, I will dismember the body; burn the parts; secure the ashes of each in separate, sealed containers; and bury the individual containers at widely separated locations.


Anonymous said...

Number 10 didn't stop Imhotep, remember. If there's a spell that brings the monster back, don't write it in the language it's to be said in; make up some gibberish and let them chew on that. Make sure you set utterly lethal traps in mass quantity around the jars, and a legion of unkillably undead guardians is a classic discourager to any foolhardy explorer. Oh, and make sure those exploreres understand that the only thing they'll get out of the whole endeavour is painful death.

Lord Runolfr said...

I have to assume that I won't be in control of the circumstances of an undead menace's original incarceration. I just have to deal with the situation I find myself in. In Imhotep's case, widely scattering his sacred jars... preferably to different continents would seriously cramp any efforts to revive him. Sinking one in the Marianas Trench would also be helpful.

Anonymous said...

I don't know, they've started sending robots to the bottom of the Trench...

Maia said...

Another one to possibly add:

When you suddenly realize that you've been hearing ominous music for several minutes now, try to find the orchestra. Make an effort to enlist their help in finding the sinister murderer or scary monster who is following you around. Many unfortunate tragedies in horror films could have been avoided by following this simple tip. :)