Friday, May 15, 2009

Poor Water Stanley

There's nothing quite so amusing as a good scam letter. I've let this one linger in my email box for a while, but finally gotten around to it.
Dear friend, As you read this, I do not want you to feel sorry for me, because I believe everyone will die someday.
So this time, instead of an appeal to my greed, I'm getting an appeal to my sympathy. At least it's not a disaster exploit.

My name is water stanley a merchant in London, United Kingdom.

For a British national, he has appallingly poor English grammar. That's also a rather odd name for a Brit (I would have expected Walter rather than "water"), and if memory serves, the British typically capitalize their names. These little details don't necessarily mean the writer isn't British, but they do raise my doubts.
I have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer and have been in the hospital for a very long time. It has defied all forms of medical treatment,and right now I have about few months to live, according to the medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business and wealth. Though I Am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.
The appeal to my sympathy continues. Most of us want to feel like we've been generous and helped our fellow human beings, but we feel like we haven't had the opportunity to be as generous as we would like. "Water" is plucking at those harp strings.
I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it till date. Now that God is calling me, I have willed and shared most of my properties and assets to my immediate and extended family members, including few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul, so I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth before Gods call.
"Water" puts out an appeal to my religious sentiments, as well. I'm not exactly the most susceptible person in the world to such appeals, and there are plenty of evangelicals who might tell him that good works don't carry any weight with God, but there's no shortage of people who might feel the pull.
So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.K, Algeria and Malaysia and some other countries. Now that my health has been deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan; they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.
Betrayed by his greedy family; that's really sad. If only there were estate attorneys in the United Kingdom who specialized in helping wealthy people arrange for their assets to be distributed as they wanted at the time of their deaths. So sad.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of twenty eight million united states dollars ($28.000.000) that I have with a Bank. I would want you to help me collect this deposit on my behalf and distribute it to charity organizations in your country. I would want you to keep 20% of the funds to yourself and share the rest to charity organizations in your country. Reply this email as soon as possible if you are capable to handle this transaction on my behalf. My regards and Love to you and your family members. God be with you,

Water Stanley

Oh, I'm sorry, there is going to be an appeal to my greed. "Water" is going to trust me, a complete stranger, to donate over 22 million dollars to charities of my choice, keeping only about five and a half million for myself.

Once again, a scammer who hopes I'm stupid enough to believe there are absurdly wealth people who have no idea how to handle money. Do not fall for this crap, people! The rich don't get that way by being idiots.


Decca said...

-snicker- Oh, I don't know... Paris Hilton is obscenely wealthy, and she's pretty stupid...

Sorry... I had to.

ebohlman said...

There's apparently been a decline in the quality of British scamspam. In my inbox the other day:

Good Day My Friend!!!

How are you doing?? Hope all is well with you and your family?? I'm Mr. Scott West from the United Kingdom London, Am
a car dealer and I have carcass that I want to sale if you know you are Interested in buying contact my personal email
([redacted]) for more information…..

Prup (aka Jim Benton) said...

Lotsa fun things in the scam letter, particularly the choice of countries he mentions as 'targets for his charity.' Pakistan, Malaysia, Algeria and Bulgaria. Why did he pick those? (Russia seems to have had an incredible growth of woo since the fall of the USSR, and Bulgaria was always the 'satellite' that had the best relations with Russia. The others are all Muslim countries, and you wonder if he's playing on the Islamic 'duty to give charity.'

But what I want to comment on is your accurate line "there are plenty of evangelicals who might tell him that good works don't carry any weight with God." Actually, this was the key philosophical cause for the Reformation, the 'salvation by faith alone' rather than 'salvation by faith AND works' of Catholicism, and why, whaever the lunacy of whoever is made Pope, however much they share the sexual lunacy of Tertullian, and whatever scandals make the papers, I will always have a certain respect for Catholicism -- at least over most other branches of "Abrahamism."

They may be factually wrong in that 'there ain't no sech animule' as God, but at least they don't invent a God who says "I don't give a f*ck what you do, if you believe in me you are saved, Mr. Serial Killer, but doubt me, Mr. Philanthropist, and off you go to the place with no air conditioning." (Maybe I was just lucky that the Catholicism I grew up in was a particularly liberal type, the type that was leading to Vatican II -- I'd left the Church before the Council started. I have none of the horror stories of Catholic education that so many people tell. The Jesuits and Franciscans that taught me might not have agreed with the apocryphal priest who said "I believe in Hell because my relgion tells me it exists, but nothing forces me to believe that God ever sent anyone there" but they were closer to that position than the fear-mongers other Catholics have stories about.