Army of Darkness

And we close out the month with what might be the greatest Halloween classic of all time.



You can't go wrong with Bruce Campbell. And just for fun, we'll make today's a double.

The Changeling

I saw this movie back in the eighties, and it is pretty scary without being a gorefest.



Rated R back then, apparently, but I would barely rate a PG today, I expect.

Green Lantern

From what I understand, there actually is a movie in development, but this video is a mash up of clips from assorted movies with some pretty good tweaking.



One can only hope that fan videos like this will influence some casting decisions.

Legend: Dance

Not only is this a very sensual seduction to evil, but it's one of the reasons I adore Mia Sara.



And the scene continues...

Noodle Ad

I don't know what it is, but it scares the hell outta me!

New Shameless Commerce

So I tried Google Ads, and not only did they not actually get any attention, they were usually idiotic products like spells from the dubious "Magicks of the World" site. So, I'm going to try Amazon ads. At least I get to decide what will actually be advertised. I will shamelessly promote books and music that I like.

Things to Remember If I’m Ever in a Horror Situation

Something that came up in conversation at the Halloween party over the weekend. I'm sure that this could be expanded greatly.

1. Neither I nor any of my friends/allies will go anywhere alone; splitting up to gather supplies or search an area is right out.
2. If I have shot the killer/monster in the chest and it hasn’t been affected, I will at least try a headshot.
3. I will make use of the known traits of any killer or monster that is threatening me; if it’s afraid of cats, for instance, I won’t go anywhere without one.
4. I will wear sensible shoes, so I won’t have any difficulty running, should it become necessary.
5. I will never abandon a weapon; you never know when it will come in handy. Needless to say, if I suspect there's a hostile person or monster about, I won't go anywhere unarmed.
6. I will get a pocket maglite with a lanyard and keep it handy.
7. I will be immediately suspicious of anyone that causes dogs to bark or cats to hiss. At the first sign of trouble, I will endeavor to obtain a friendly dog or cat as a warning system.
8. Finding a wandering cat after hearing a strange noise does not mean that I have found the source of the noise.
9. I will not dismiss a “supernatural” threat just because I’m a scientist or skeptic; if it has observable and repeatable effects, it moves into the realm of the “natural”, anyway.
10. If I’ve incapacitated a murderer/monster with a history of surviving “mortal” injuries, I will dismember the body; burn the parts; secure the ashes of each in separate, sealed containers; and bury the individual containers at widely separated locations.

Junk It!

She's the most frightening character in Mystery Men.

Halloween Party

My big Halloween party was early this year, on the 24th, at the lovely home of Dakyn and Ginevra. I arrived in time to help with some party prep work, then everyone went on a trip to the Bell Witch Cave before coming back to the house to costume up and party down.



The whole album is online, of course.

Top 10 Giant Movie Monsters

You'll be very surprised by number one, but I think the best moment of this review comes toward the end of number three. Language warning on this one, if that matters to you; the narrator is a bit free with the four letter vocabulary.

Totoro

It's a good day to abuse some more anime.

The Candy Man

More editing into creepy trailers.



Of course, in this case, the real thing isn't much less creepy than the faux trailer.

If I Ever Become a Vampire

Found this list linked from Nodwick.com, but it's probably been floating around for a while.

1. I shall wear tweed, and cheerful bright clothing. Further, I shall only wear trenchcoats if it is raining or foggy.


2. I will not take my victims home. My neighbors are far too nosy.


3. I will be secure in my immortality. I do not have to share my story with any reporter or struggling writer.


4. I will not purchase an expensive foreign sports car or motorcycle. An economical, multi-terrain vehicle with 4 wheel drive will be just fine.


5. I will immediately become Agnostic, disarming any cross-wielding religious maniacs.


6. I shall not keep a coffin in the basement, that's the first place people look.


7. I shall immediately purchase a Hooked on Phonics tape, in order to lose any Romanian accents I may have.


8. My ghouls shall have good posture.


9. I will purchase a digital watch with an alarm. I will set this alarm for TWO hours before sunrise, giving ample time for traffic and other inconveniences.


10. If I feel truly alone, and need a companion to share all of eternity with, I shall purchase a dog. Preferably one that is not larger than I am.


11. If the neighborhood kids are snooping around my house, I will not change into a giant wolf and attempt to destroy them. Instead, I shall call the police and have them arrested for trespassing.


12. If I believe far too many people are becoming suspicious, I shall not attempt to kill them all. I will simply move, and leave no forwarding address.


13. There is no logical reason for someone to mistake another human being for a fifteen-foot bat, not even in hysteria. Therefore, I shall refrain from such transformations in public.


14. Artists are over-emotional and unstable. I shall not keep company with them whatsoever.


15. I will not attend gatherings of my own kind. If I'm a lethal killing machine, doomed for all eternity to destroy those around me, they probably are too.

Conversation with the Devil

From The Prophecy (1995)... he's not a very nice person, is he?



Bet you never look at Aragorn quite the same way again.

Brand New Day

Can't let the season go by without Dr. Horrible.



And for extra horror, here's the karaoke version.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes

Warning: Gruesome death scene ahead (by 1971 standards, at least).



I really want to see the whole thing, actually. It's Vincent Price!

Nosferatu

Condensed version of a classic. Nice soundtrack, too.

Rave on Bald Mountain

What might have been, if Disney had made Fantasia in the 21st century.

Death of the Witch King

Speaking of brain hurting, let's go back to nostalgic memories of the TV adaptation of The Return of the King.



OK, the delivery sucks, but I actually think the script is better than what we got from Peter Jackson. I mean, Eowyn at least got to deliver her speech, no matter how badly. The ham-handed exposition from Merry and Pippin drags it down, though.

Crystal Skull Bottles: Just in Time for Halloween

I went by a liquor store last night in my quest to slowly restock my wine rack. I was amused to see that they are now carrying Crystal Head Vodka. According to the staff, a lot of people are buying it just so they can have a skull-shaped bottle sitting on a shelf somewhere; they have no intention of ever opening it.

I don't think I'm willing to pay $50 for a shelf ornament. The store staff says customer reports on the vodka itself (for those who actually tried it) are mixed: some like it, some hate it.

I left it in the store, having better things to spend my money on (a sentiment that the salesperson shared, actually). Come to think of it Moldovan wines are both pretty good and typically come in interesting bottles.

Batgirl Captured by Lord Ffogg

I had forgotten how awful these plots could be. Robin must have been captured because he wouldn't dare hit a girl.



My brain hurts, now. Nonetheless, I'm fond of Batgirl because I got to teach Yvonne Craig to deal blackjack at a charity casino night at Magnum Opus Con one year.

Could it be... Satan?

This clip came from a childrens' show, The Adventures of Mark Twain, but I agree with the guy who posted it to YouTube... this would scar you for life.



Glad I never saw this show on a Saturday morning.

They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard

How about a little more Tolkien action... only sillier.

Smaug

More animated nostalgia. I really liked this version of The Hobbit when I was little.



When I re-read the book, Richard Boone is still the voice of Smaug to me.

Kroenen

Kroenen is the undead Nazi hitman from the 2004 Hellboy movie. Pretty badass.

Dancing Baby

This is not one of the scary Halloween videos. This is Kaitlin going to town at the hafla at Sherlock's Book Emporium on Saturday, October 10, 2009.



Kaitlin was the life of the party.

Boy Eats Girl

Never seen it, but it looks suitably absurd.

Food Porn: Steiktar kótilettur í raspi

For this issue of Food Porn, we go to Iceland, since I found a marvelous Icelandic cooking blog. The dish of the day is breaded lamb cutlets; well, actually pork cutlets in this case.



I won't steal their content by reposting the recipe here, but I will say that I adjusted the recipe a bit by adding some cheese ravioli to the onion sauce (since I didn't have the potatoes normally served as a side dish). I did also take pictures of the dish in progress.



There's easily enough butter in there to satisfy Paula Dean. Who knew that they could cook Southern in Iceland?

Dagon

I actually saw this movie on DVD a few years ago. It's not a half-bad adaptation of an HP Lovecraft story (although it made me think of The Shadow Over Innsmouth, not Dagon).

Bloody Mallory

Why not a full-length "horror" movie? Not terribly horrific, this is more like the illegitimate love-child of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess, adopted and raised by Special Unit 2.

Vampire Hunter D

I think Vampire Hunter D introduced the term "dhampir" and the concept of the "half-vampire" to the world. In spite of that, it's still not a bad movie.

Fang Friends

Back to humorous installments with another silly video from Dragon*Con TV.

Calls for Cthulu

While he waits for the stars to align so he can rise and destroy humanity, Cthulu answers your calls!

Heavy Metal: B-17

Back to something nice and creepy for today's installment of Halloween video goodness.

Why is the Rum Gone?

Pirates are Halloweenish, right? And rum is appropriate for any occasion. And the wanton destruction of rum is terrifying.

The Carol of the Old Ones

More creepy video goodness for the Halloween season.

You may also be interested in this version in which you can follow the lyrics.

Scary Mary

Not exactly new, but still quite awesome...



I wonder if I can keep this up all October.

Food Porn: Something Resembling Minestrone

I haven't written about food in months, I think, so in the absence of something truly bizarre, I'll share something improvised. I like minestrone, but I suspect that it's probably one of those "throw in whatever you've got handy" dishes. Whether my suspicions are accurate or not, this is definitely a "hmmm... what's in the freezer and cupboard" sort of soup.

Ingredients in this little jewel include:

• 2-3 cups of beef broth (I didn't measure, it was about half the carton)
• 1/4 cup of beer (the bottle was open, so why not)
• a suitable number of turkey meatballs (from the grocery store's frozen case)
• a cup or so of multi-colored whole-wheat elbow noodles
• a can of diced tomatoes
• some frozen lima beans
• Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste

And the process is delightfully simple. Put everything in the pot, bring it to a boil over high heat, cover and simmer over low heat for about twenty minutes. That's all.

Dead Air

Remember how yesterday I said that there are two zombie movies coming out this month? Well, for your next installment of October YouTube goodness, I present the trailer for Dead Air.



I daresay everyone has already seen plenty of trailers for Zombieland by now.