There was something in the forest Set the dogs to bark and bay Grandpa loaded up his shotgun And went to see himself what lay that way
Grandpa got devoured by a Shoggoth
Trying to prevent catastrophe
People say there are no Elder Horrors
But as for me and Grandma, we believe
Grandpa came upon a clearing
Where some men had built a fire
They were dancing ‘round a statue
Of something evil, hideous, and dire
The men’s chant opened a portal
To a dark and awful place
Grandpa realized with horror
They had just betrayed the human race
Chorus
Something started through the portal
A foul pseudopod that smelled
Grandpa fired with both his barrels
Hoping he would blow it straight to hell
His shots only made it angry
And it hastened through the gate
Grandpa knew he must act quickly
Else the world we meet an ugly fate
Chorus
Grandpa struck one of the chanters
With the butt end of his gun
As the cultist fell unconscious
All their evil magic came undone
But before the monster vanished
Grandpa felt its cold embrace
It engulfed his struggling body
Then it disappeared without a trace
Chorus
Now you listeners may wonder
How I learned of Grandpa’s end
I was chanting in that circle
Pity Grandpa didn’t understand
Grandpa got devoured by a Shoggoth
Fighting to defend humanity
People say there are no Elder Horrors
But as for me and Grandma… WE BELIEVE!
